he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
