I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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