I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
