If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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