Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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