I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
