what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
