My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
