I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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