so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
