im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
3pm strippers are depressing
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
