hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
