508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
MIDGETS
????
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
