Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
