Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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