Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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