This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize