Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
