bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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