It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
