Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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