Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
