There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
