Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
