Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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