WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
