I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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