Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
