i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
