i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
