p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
where does the pee come out of this thing
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
