So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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