Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
