sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
