I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just googled if crying burns calories
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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