Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
