Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
