My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
