There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
