People in love make me want to vomit
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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