I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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