nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
