So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
