just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
