so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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