Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
