Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
