I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
