I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
