im about as happy as oj after his trial
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
