you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
