I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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