She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
