Pregnant stripper...not hot.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
