Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
