They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
