Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
