I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
