He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize