also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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