I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
