Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
