Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fill condoms, not promises.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize