Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
