I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
