i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
