are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
