Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
