dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
