i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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