The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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