They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
