After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You left your phone here
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