help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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