fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wear drunk well.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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