one might say we're banned from that church
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When are your genitals available?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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