My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
