i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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