He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
