I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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