Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
