Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
