Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
