Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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