Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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