If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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