Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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