My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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