who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
