The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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