I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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