They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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