i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
