i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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