Fuck appropriateness.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
