C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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