Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
