he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
