I just cut my nipple shaving
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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