I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
