I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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