Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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