i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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