3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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