so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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