she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
