why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
