He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize