He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
