I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
where does the pee come out of this thing
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
