I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
